Paul Attinello

Author: paulattinello

  • The wind rises

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    An absolute favorite line by Valéry, which I think Prévert quoted with small changes after the war: "the wind rises, let us try to live." A phone call from the nurse just before she left at the end of the day: the medications have failed (not unexpected news), so I have just spent a finicky…

  • …

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    Much sleep the past week, hard to wake for more than a few hours at a time. I have spoken before about the memoir of Lady Sarashina – one of those ninth-century Japanese Heian women writers, but very unlike Murasaki or Shonagon, all we have of her is a late, not long attempt to put…

  • A dream figure

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    A disturbing dream image from last week, that I discussed with my analyst today: in a chain of three dreams that conjured buildings, city streets, and figures of cryptic support, encouragement and change, an eerie version of Buffy the vampire slayer crashes into an otherwise benevolent continuity – where she seems so dangerous, so easily…

  • Damaged house

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    The middle of the night. Jung on Nietzsche, speaking of the problem of creativity and how one falls into inflation – as soon as you look back at what you've done with pompous satisfaction – I am the one who did that! – and so the creative moment dies and you fall into a false…

  • Mind / body / split

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    Body first, as I've been yammering about it so endlessly for several months: got up to wash the dishes and take a shower before bed; but was shaking with exhaustion after finishing the dishes (there weren't many of them either) so came back to couch; about fifteen minutes before I could sort of function, even…

  • Abandon

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    The shot again tonight. And the doctor phoned to say the medication is having some effect – so now I don't know what will happen, what decisions will be made in February; but oh well. The past two or three weeks remarkable for the sharpening, the intensification, of side effects: no, they're still not awful…

  • Erasure / release

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    I have a large, well-organized personal library. [Pause and drum roll.] Many academics and intellectuals do so, of course, but I am a Collector – certainly in my department I have the largest and most strictly organized library, both in my office and at home, of books, CDs, DVDs, videotapes, LPS, and other media (although…

  • The dull world

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in , ,

    So: the news from the doctor – the medication doesn't seem to be doing much; a final decision in another month or so, but probably this was all useless. Which was kind of expected anyway. Annoyingly, since early December, and more so since Christmas Day (which was, itself, fun, at Michael and Andrew's), I am…

  • Nietzschean

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    (Hmm, when would I last have had to check the spelling of that word, two or three times just to make sure – even though I am now sure it always frets at me a bit. But not as much as it used to.) Full moon, lunar eclipse, solar equinox, near Christmas. After a few…

  • Overlapping

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    World AIDS Day. The past few days snowy, quiet. Feeling fairly well actually, few or no side effects – a big improvement over the five days of low-level fever last week. Thus less distracted, less incoherent. Tonight was a masked ball – a fundraiser, a chaos of music and people (about 130, which is quite…