Paul Attinello

Author: paulattinello

  • The Wish

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    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    On television, an old – and favorite – episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, from 1998, called 'The Wish'. Not 'favorite' as in 'fun': this is one of the frightening episodes where everything goes horribly wrong – in a moment of petty irritation, Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Unfortunately, when she…

  • Brief friends

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    paulattinello
    in ,

    I have a small black canister of Mariage Frères' Marco Polo tea – a secret blend by classy London tea-makers, one of their most famous, and one of the most delicious and curious blends of flavors… too complex and subtle for me to describe, though a skilled cook could probably identify many of its elements.…

  • Symptoms

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    paulattinello
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    So: after having fussed and fussed (and fussed) about this treatment; and then latterly become conscious that I've been making it all a much more anxious activity than it needed to be… I discover the next stage of my talent for making things more difficult than they need to be. The first two injections –…

  • Samhain

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    paulattinello
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    Today, the second of what I estimate to be three astoundingly difficult days of change: I would have said before, of disaster and loss, but now I'm not so sure. A great crisis at work that has been held at bay for eight years. And crashing into the new medications, which has all gone –…

  • BERLIN

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    paulattinello
    in

    Because Berlin is, of course, BIG. And this trip, that impression is very strong. Big streets, big spaces between them – all as they were when I was a student here in 1994-5, and on one or two visits since then. As I tell my students when they plan to come here on an exchange…

  • Bruchstücke

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    paulattinello
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    I am slightly less disoriented/anxious than I have been for three weeks. Slightly, I say; at least enough to have some sense of distance from it all; and a bigger sense of time, as though I can perhaps imagine different ways that the fear and confusion of the past days can fit into larger parts…

  • Deliberate crises

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    paulattinello
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    Lately there is a strange sense of a kind of semi-ordered chaos: as I am by turns angry and disoriented, or surprisingly pleased, or overwhelmed, or insulting, or reasonable, it seems as though I have been pushed (or: as though I have pushed myself?) into this psychological place. The physical/real-world explanations are obvious: months of…

  • Blinds

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    paulattinello
    in

    For the most part, I have been sharply productive and energetic about preparing for my next bout with HCV medications, combined with the new school year. Robust, definite, in charge. But an argument tonight about adding yet more things to do to my week has somehow flung me into memories from the first time I…

  • Air

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    paulattinello
    in

    Something remarkable about today's air: cool, damp, sharp – an almost Scandinavian feel to it. Although northern England is close to the latitudes of Denmark and southern Sweden, we don't often get quite that kind of air – it reminds me of that sense of clarity one gets in Copenhagen some days, where everything seems…

  • Formal analysis of current status of complex

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    paulattinello
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    (As musicians, we are accustomed to formal analyses that don't emphasize the contents/material of what is analyzed. Herein a therefore relatively abstract reiteration of some of my understanding of the past 24 hours.) Recently understood aspects of complex formation suggest modification of my own emotional self-analysis: (1) von Franz clarifies the basic structure of complexes…