Author: paulattinello
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Anniversary
Well… not quite the anniversary. It was thirteen years since this blog was begun… as of yesterday. A day late, that's appropriate for a thirteenth anniversary, yes? ••• No posts since the new year; which doesn't mean I'm giving up on this. I do like the blog, I like writing it…. I want to transfer it…
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Finishing the year
When you read older fiction and someone refers to dragging a steel bath into the kitchen and filling it with kettles of boiling water, do you wonder… what would that be like? I don't think I could stand it. ••• I didn't quite have a Christmas to speak of this year – it was interrupted…
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Restless [Dreams]
Dark of the year. Winter solstice, full moon, close to each other: death and life. As everything gets slower, calmer, there is a lot of time – and a lot of mental space…. All my analysands seem charged: some are very present to themselves, you might say. In many sessions for the past two weeks or…
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Rebuilds
It has felt like a rather heavy month at points…. Or no, it hasn't, or perhaps it has intermittently. Cheerful bits, lively bits, confidence and – and a disappointed sense of stuckness (a partial stuckness, admittedly) around the thesis, around moving into large things, as opposed to falling back from them. Which has admittedly been a…
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Key
Fall… University is starting; I'm in better shape than last year – not energetic, but cheerful, calm. Frequently my body falls into a haze of slow-motion quasi-weakness – not like a sickness, just drained of energy; but it doesn't feel like a problem. I suppose it's only a problem when other people are expecting me…
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Things
A time of flickering changes, referents – going through books, CDs, tech, implements and bowls and glasses, my office at school, my office at home, the living room, the kitchen: the world of things. There are burdens here, and entanglements – I am approximately as good at letting go the world of things as I…
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Raise your glass
I can't easily explain it: a link between an unexpectedly named day, a song I didn't understand, and a set of unfamiliar feelings…. It's been a bit odd: I was throwing references to this stuff at my friends all day – most people seem vaguely pleased, but a bit puzzled. That is probably because the…
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Sky in evening
The sky is a mixture of dim golds and blues…. ••• Last week, we had four beautiful days of summer. Early May; those four days were strictly delimited – the weather was forecast to change on the fifth day to an ongoing 58-62 for the indefinite future, and it did exactly that. But those summer…
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Comfortable on the precipice
I think: there's a smell of doom, and power, in the room… ••• I am working on my thesis for the Jung-Institut, which is on the verge of being late, or too late; is methodologically not yet solid; is built from fragments of the familiar and the new; is put together rather quickly. And yet,…
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14:23 10-3-18
14:23 = 2:23 pm 10 March 2018 = Saturday … Having left M. with a hug at the station (one of those hugs between men that always make me wonder, in a flash, whether non-gay locals find this unusual, but then I always decide not to care), I turn and walk – not, as I…
Paul Attinello 