Paul Attinello

Author: paulattinello

  • Two places at once

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    The past few days of depression: it might be worth acknowledging something that might not be evident from this blog – that I have been here before, and for long periods of time. In fact  the blog is not only about recording/reflecting that anomie, that hopelessness, which has become so normative over the years; but…

  • The Shape of What It Means

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in , ,

    [Los Angeles, 1991] I am in the waiting room, going through my outline and list of readings for the degree exam in musical aesthetics. First is Cooke: naïve, but he made a good shot at figuring out the basic problems. If only he weren’t such a dilettante – he works his arguments right up to…

  • Dim / reflections

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in , ,

    Positions… different ways of viewing life – my life, my life as it is now, my life in my imagination, or if you prefer, life generally…. (a) Resistance to writing is a neurotic symptom, related to being a rigid and immature judgmental personality, constellated with various feelings/strategies of fear/laziness/self-justification, etc. My anxious reactions to the…

  • A quote

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    A possible response to my feelings of this morning: If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial. If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked. If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything,…

  • Failed

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in , ,

    Last night I saw A Scanner Darkly, which was quite wonderful. On my way out, I bumped into Jonathan, the handsome and successful young doctor who has helped me on some of the HIV presentations, who was headed into another movie; I was in enough of a daze that it was actually rather difficult to…

  • Hamam

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    Home again. After a hot bath: slow, sensual North African music; lying on the couch, reading ridiculous but fun German gay comics (my beloved Ralf König, who has published some new books since last I looked through amazon.de); a musk incense; late at night; I am unbelievably comfortable… especially after about twelve days of admitted…

  • Intro-

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    Well, that is decided. The dramatic shape of the weekend in London will fizzle out, basically; a whimper rather than a bang…. Friday night: the astounding experience, which I will not relate, but which involved the wonderful Carl, with whom I have spent time before. Not only a very sexy man but also a very…

  • Not amused

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    So, having come home after one slightly disorienting/disappointing trip, I have to leave again for a weekend in London… don’t much want to travel, don’t want to pack, don’t want to create time for two possible side trips or consultations… ah well. I’m going so that I can see a production of Sondheim’s Sunday in…

  • Flirt (Sitges IX)

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in ,

    This last night of the trip, I have determinedly done what I didn’t really do at all this time – go to the major gay bars and clubs. Bear Bar – I’d forgotten what it was like, and five minutes are enough (I escape, I’m afraid, especially after the one interesting French guy walks out…

  • The last day at the beach (Sitges VIII)

    —

    by

    paulattinello
    in

    Well, the last full day, anyway – tomorrow morning will be fairly brief before I have to leave. This is also the title of a favorite track from William Ackerman’s Conferring with the Moon – a beautifully melancholic string ensemble leading into acoustic guitar; one of the finer examples of why I think Ackerman was,…