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Two places at once
The past few days of depression: it might be worth acknowledging something that might not be evident from this blog – that I have been here before, and for long periods of time. In fact the blog is not only about recording/reflecting that anomie, that hopelessness, which has become so normative over the years; but…
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The Shape of What It Means
[Los Angeles, 1991] I am in the waiting room, going through my outline and list of readings for the degree exam in musical aesthetics. First is Cooke: naïve, but he made a good shot at figuring out the basic problems. If only he weren’t such a dilettante – he works his arguments right up to…
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Dim / reflections
Positions… different ways of viewing life – my life, my life as it is now, my life in my imagination, or if you prefer, life generally…. (a) Resistance to writing is a neurotic symptom, related to being a rigid and immature judgmental personality, constellated with various feelings/strategies of fear/laziness/self-justification, etc. My anxious reactions to the…
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A quote
A possible response to my feelings of this morning: If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial. If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked. If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything,…
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Failed
Last night I saw A Scanner Darkly, which was quite wonderful. On my way out, I bumped into Jonathan, the handsome and successful young doctor who has helped me on some of the HIV presentations, who was headed into another movie; I was in enough of a daze that it was actually rather difficult to…
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Hamam
Home again. After a hot bath: slow, sensual North African music; lying on the couch, reading ridiculous but fun German gay comics (my beloved Ralf König, who has published some new books since last I looked through amazon.de); a musk incense; late at night; I am unbelievably comfortable… especially after about twelve days of admitted…
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Paul Attinello 