Category: Dreaming
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Adorno’s Dreams
After last night's brave and admittedly somewhat demented post – not that I discount its ideas and feelings: I think I really could crack my behavior, my limitations, open, if I had the energy and courage, which I may yet be able to find – I put myself together today to go to the pharmacy…
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Boy band
Hmm, what a ruthlessly symbolic dream: sitting around with a bunch of charming, handsome, talented young men who have a (classical, I think) ensemble that has somehow become famous; I ask them to come perform, collaborate, work with us in the North, and they say no, politely, with regret – we'd love to, but we…
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Dreams of buildings
[The writing group exercise this week: list two buildings or places; list words associated with them; and what is unusual or unexpected that happens in those buildings?…] I am always enchanted – literally: mesmerized, ensorcelled, under the power of, unwilling to leave them – by buildings that flow. Ancient buildings made by hand, to no…
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Transitionals
The unhappy weight of guilt around productivity has let up somewhat: since Mitchell has kindly started giving me my marching orders – literally telling me what chapter to draft next, and send it to him – and Melinda, going a bit outside the normal range of activity for a therapist, has chimed in asking for…
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Concerns
A disturbing dream of my sister in pain, suffering with the chemo, sleeping, getting worse – at some strangely chaotic, crowded conference; emphasizing the insensitivity of not knowing what she’s going through, of not helping. *** The family seemed calm and even cheerful at yesterday’s Christmas phone call; probably the ones to worry about are…
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Cycles, dreams
Having been back about ten days, and having done only administration, plus many chores; and lying around a lot the past few days, sleeping; I start thinking… cycles: the hours that make up a day, and how we move through them; the days of a week, a month; the school year, with its enormous contrasts…
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Weight
I apologize, again, that the entries for the past month or so have been so distinctly unhappy. Of course that is in a general context of me as a depressed, disappointed, angry person who has been especially upset by my life circumstances over the past five years (even more than in the other dark stretches…
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As if
Going back to bed, still fuzzy with a cold that has lasted several days, and which keeps returning, unwelcome – I am imagining my life differently, as I do so often: what if that had happened, what if I could intervene here, what if I had chosen to do this instead, what would have been…
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Apologies; and rambling
My apologies for not posting this week… frankly, my thoughts and experiences have been too fragmentary, and too dark, bitter, repetitive, to be worth putting into even this miniature form of public presentation. Continued rage over promotions, or lack thereof. Anger at students, who are being incredibly dilatory and irresponsible, in a way that feels…
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Duisburg V: Chili Dreams
A day of eating too richly, after good work and good talk with Gerhard – there was that breakfast, for one, then a trattoria at lunch, then an Asian fusion restaurant in the evening, one that put chilis in practically everything. And tonight two unsettled comic dreams: one where, as a younger man, I am…
Paul Attinello 