Category: Illness
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Biochem
Interesting to observe the mild chaos of my body's reactions, chemical and behavioral, as those pills start to drain from my system. I'd forgotten that there are also (brief) side effects to stopping the medications – my biochemistry that has rebalanced to handle the toxic garbage being ingested and injected for the past few months…
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The wind rises
An absolute favorite line by Valéry, which I think Prévert quoted with small changes after the war: "the wind rises, let us try to live." A phone call from the nurse just before she left at the end of the day: the medications have failed (not unexpected news), so I have just spent a finicky…
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Mind / body / split
Body first, as I've been yammering about it so endlessly for several months: got up to wash the dishes and take a shower before bed; but was shaking with exhaustion after finishing the dishes (there weren't many of them either) so came back to couch; about fifteen minutes before I could sort of function, even…
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Abandon
The shot again tonight. And the doctor phoned to say the medication is having some effect – so now I don't know what will happen, what decisions will be made in February; but oh well. The past two or three weeks remarkable for the sharpening, the intensification, of side effects: no, they're still not awful…
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The dull world
So: the news from the doctor – the medication doesn't seem to be doing much; a final decision in another month or so, but probably this was all useless. Which was kind of expected anyway. Annoyingly, since early December, and more so since Christmas Day (which was, itself, fun, at Michael and Andrew's), I am…
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The Wish
On television, an old – and favorite – episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, from 1998, called 'The Wish'. Not 'favorite' as in 'fun': this is one of the frightening episodes where everything goes horribly wrong – in a moment of petty irritation, Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Unfortunately, when she…
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Symptoms
So: after having fussed and fussed (and fussed) about this treatment; and then latterly become conscious that I've been making it all a much more anxious activity than it needed to be… I discover the next stage of my talent for making things more difficult than they need to be. The first two injections –…
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Samhain
Today, the second of what I estimate to be three astoundingly difficult days of change: I would have said before, of disaster and loss, but now I'm not so sure. A great crisis at work that has been held at bay for eight years. And crashing into the new medications, which has all gone –…
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Blinds
For the most part, I have been sharply productive and energetic about preparing for my next bout with HCV medications, combined with the new school year. Robust, definite, in charge. But an argument tonight about adding yet more things to do to my week has somehow flung me into memories from the first time I…
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Volatility
After last night's cold-shower rush of awareness, I was given a pleasant gift as a reward, so to speak: a sunny, warm day, lovely and pleasant. Deserved, don't you think?…. well if you don't think so feel free not to chime in. Met with Melinda, the psychologist at the clinic, about plans/prospects for taking interferon.…
Paul Attinello 